I miss my daughter today

I miss my daughter today. I miss my daughter this weekend. I have missed my daughter for almost 21 months.

I miss the phrases that still echo in my head. I am scared that someday I will forget the sound of her voice or the tone or speed in which she used to say them. Sometimes I wish I had more recordings of her. But sometimes I think that if I did have more, it would be that much harder to move forward in life because I would be tempted to lock myself in my room and watch them over and over.

I miss her telling me that Tazz is "upsetty spaghetti" or that Merlin is "Starvin Marvin."

I miss her catching random jumping spiders in the back yard and wanting to decorate an enclosure for her new pet, "Spooder."

I miss her talking about "snek" and me responding with something about a "nope rope" because we both liked the LucidChart video about snakes on YouTube. ... Discovering that we watched some of the same creators on social media was one of those little things that we both thought was neat, discovering new interests that we shared.

Tomorrow would be her 24th birthday. I miss her so much that I don't know what to do with myself. I should be planning something fun and meaningful, to make sure she knows how much I love spending time with her before she gets too busy with her own grownup life. Instead, I walked the dogs around the block in a trance. Forgot the poo bags (which we luckily didn't need) and quickly realized that I'm just not in the mood for this. Not today.